Wild Card Recap

The Steelers season is over, but that doesn't mean our weekly "Smiley" and "Frownie" segments have to end.

Smiley

1. Three of the four wild-card games were won by teams that were better at running the ball and playing defense. The fourth was won on a defensive TD.
2. John wiping the floor with me in the first round of playoff picks. He went 4-0 while I went 2-2.
3. Watching New England fail.
4. The Big 10 winning two BCS bowls and having their first winning bowl season since 2003
5. Defensive linemen as fullbacks. Baltimore used Haloti Ngata (read: the best player on their defense) as a tight end against New England and Alabama used Terrence Cody as a fullback in the "National Championship" Game against Texas. Both guys just absolutely annihilated those standing in their path.

Frownie

1. The thrill of the College Football playoffs to decide the national champion. Oh wait...
2. The Pittsburgh Penguins Powerplay
3. Ron Cook throwing Evgeni Malkin under the bus (more on this later)
4. The playoffs without the Steelers in them.

Off the Schnide

Dallas Cowboys

As much as we hate Dallas (which probably isn't as much as our parents do, but it's still quite sufficient) they do deserve a shout-out for the smack-down they gave the Eagles this weekend. At the very least, now we don't have to hear about how they haven't won a playoff game in 13 years. Guess what? The Steelers last playoff win was a Super Bowl. Suck it.

Greg Lloyd "Badass of the Week" Award

Jim Wexell

In a time when Steelers fans are divided over the retention of offensive coordinator Bruce Arians, there is one voice of reason. While chicken-chokers like Bob Smizik and Ron Cook will rattle off the stats about how Arians' offense wildly surpassed all the yardage totals of any Steelers offense since Nero and how they both wished they had named their sons "Bruce," Wexell has taken the more reasonable ground. He really only needs one stat to prove his point.

42 pass attempts and 20 rushing attempts against the league's worst run defense in sub-zero temperatures with 45 mph winds.

And yes, you're going to keep hearing that stat. Because that stat alone should tell you all you need to know about the kind of coach that Arians is. One who would play the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz.

Most recently, Wexell penned a column (well, as much as one does that in the age of Al Gore's internet) on a 6-step recovery plan for the Steelers. While we're of the opinion that the Steelers should probably go with a defensive back (either corner or safety) in the first round, we can't really disagree with any of his points.

Bob Smizik "Douchebag of the Week" Award

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Yes, the whole paper. I realize this may be a little redundant since the PG is the employer of Mr. Smizik, so via mitosis, they are implicit in his douchebaggery. However, the PG went above and beyond the call of duty (not to be confused with COD2: Modern Warfare) this past week.

Malkin hasn't scored so I'll compare him to Jagr even though I haven't watched a Pens game since the SCF. - Ron Cook

Passing numbers give me an erection. - Ron Cook

Do you like to remember failure? If so, read this column. - Ron Cook

I didn't watch the playoff games so I'm going to write about how awesome the passing game is. - Bob Smizik

Now, a while ago we theorized that Ron Cook secretly hated Pittsburgh and wanted their sports teams to fail. In all honesty, this makes more sense than him wanting them to succeed because then he'd have nothing to write about.

As can be expected, the internets have been ablaze with responses to Cook.

• The Pensblog is having a Ron Cook photoshop expo. Entries due by Wednesday night.
• Puck Daddy at Yahoo, normally an Ovechkin love-fest, defends Malkin's point-per-game pace.
• Smilin' Like A Butcher's Dog takes Cook to task with *gasp* actual stats. Fact: Malkin hasn't been in the penalty box since December 27th.

However, since Cook has already been awarded the Smizik, and giving it to him again would be pointless. Therefore, because the Post-Gazette, in theory, has an editing staff that (once again, in theory) should review the articles the paper publishes for accuracy, journalistic integrity, and truthiness, the whole paper is awarded the Smizik Award for the week for allowing this garbage to be passed off as worthwhile.

The worst part of it is, the PG tantalizes you with the "extra features" of their PG plus website. What do you get for giving them money? More Bob Smizik.