Tuesday, September 2, 2014

What Mike Tomlin Was Really Saying in His Press Conference

If you love cliches about football, the weekly Mike Tomlin press conferences are probably the best 20 minutes of your week. If you're tuning in for insight about football or the team, you're probably in the wrong place because there aren't many revelations that come out of Tomlin's weekly brouhaha with the media. However, in his season-opening press conference, it was not so much what Mike Tomlin said about the Cleveland Browns, but what he didn't say.

On Brian Hoyer: 

"The most impressive thing is what you don't see on tape"

What he was really saying:

Brian Hoyer's tape sucks.

"He's not going to lose games above the neck"

What he was really saying:

Brian Hoyer is going to lose games with his arm.

On Miles Austin: 

"He's sturdy after the catch"

What he was really saying:

Miles Austin has good hands and terrible hamstrings. He is an injury waiting to happen.

On Antonio Brown returning punts:

"We don't live in fear of what might happen"

What he was really saying:

He either is a big fan of the WWE and Bray Wyatt

....or of old-school Metallica

On injured players: 

"We'll leave the light on for them"

What he was really saying:

He is the new spokesman for Motel 6.

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