Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Factory of Sadness: Cleveland Browns Season Preview



2011 Record: 4-12


2011 Ranks
Total Offense: 29
Rush Offense: 28
Pass Offense: 24
Scoring Offense: 30
Total Defense: 10
Run Defense: 30
Pass Defense: 2
Scoring Defense: 5

Offense

The Browns entered the draft this spring with a slew of picks and a bunch of positions that needed to be addressed. And in typical Browns fashion they shat all over themselves. They traded up one spot to take Trent Richardson (RB-Alabama) who probably would have been there for them at #4. They panicked and took Brandon Weeden at #22 and now are starting a 29-year old rookie as their quarterback. Richardson suffered an injury in training camp and is questionable for the start of the season. On the outside, they still don't have a receiver that has proven he can catch the ball.

Defense

This was actually a pretty good unit last season, but they still lack a true pass rusher. Rookie Jabaal Sheard from Pitt led the team with 8.5 sacks last season but they were one of the worst in the league at rushing the passer. On top of that, they did not take the ball away from their opponents, finishing with only 9 interceptions, one of the bottom 5 in the league. The fact is, they were so bad against the run, teams just didn't throw the ball against them.

Intangibles

They're the Browns.

Prediction

Cleveland Sucks. 3-13.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Snooze Button: Steelers Win


16
17

Not a whole lot to say about this one. Not many of the starters played for either team.

The Steelers won their 4th coin toss of the preseason.

Charlie Batch got the start. KDKA embarrasses themselves by showing Mendenhall and Wallace in the starting lineup.

Dwyer works it up to midfield then Homestead Charlie slings one for Sanders who splits double-coverage at the goal line and hauls in the bomb for the early score.



7-0

Derek Anderson gets the start for Carolina. He sucks.

Chris Rainey takes a punt back to the house, but it's called back on a penalty. The offense responds by doing nothing, but Carolina muffs the punt and Curtis Brown recovers.


Both offenses do nothing and Rainey runs another one back, but guess what - another penalty.

Dwyer puts together a few nice runs then Chuck hits big Will Johnson on a 3rd and short play-action pass down the sideline to get us down to the red zone. A penalty sets things back a but, but Suisham connects from 49 at the open end of the stadium.

Impressive kick.

10-0

Second Quarter

Apparently, Derek Anderson is capable of throwing an out-route. Carolina uses that to march down the field. The defense holds in the red zone.

10-3

Nothing else of significance happens the rest of the half. Jonathan Dwyer runs hard.



Third Quarter

Mike Tomlin talks to the weather man at the start of the half. Let that sink in for a minute.

Jimmy Clausen comes in for Carolina. Remember when people were suggesting we should trade Ben to Oakland for a Top 10 pick to draft Clausen? Embarrassing times.

Really strange turn of events when Chris Carter comes free on a blitz and Clausen grounds the ball.The refs call it a fumble at first, but Carolina challenges and it was clearly grounding. Somehow, it's ruled an incomplete pass but not intentional grounding. 


Huh?

Carolina takes advantage and marches down to tie the game.

10-10

Jerrod Johnson comes in to hand off and run some clock.

Neither team does anything on offense. The weather man interviews a Mountain Man, presumably to get his predictions on the snow this winter. I don't know, I turned the sound off. No sound is better than listening to Edmund Nelson.

Sean Spence suffers a gruesome knee injury on a 3rd down. Vomit. That looked awful. Probably done for the year.

Fourth Quarter

Johnson threads the needle to hit Maze on a deep out to break up the monotony. A few plays later, Johnson slings one over the middle to Weslye Saunders to get us down to the 20. Some back we picked up off waivers gets some carries to get us inside the 5, then Johnson hits Saunders again at the goal line for the go-ahead score.



17-10

Not much happens for a while, then Carolina takes over with about 3 minutes to play. Clausen airs one out down the sideline and Terrence Frederick makes a terrible play on the ball - he jumps in front of the receiver for the ball and misses, giving the receiver a cakewalk into the end zone.



17-16

Not wanting to send this to overtime, Carolina elects to go for two. Frederick gets called for interference, but Cortez Allen saves the day and knocks a pass away.


Carolina elects to kick off deep and call their timeouts. They get the ball back with just under 2 minutes to play and are able to get to the fringe of field goal range. However, it's a 50-yarder at Heinz Field. It's not happening.



Victory Formation.

Game.

Preseason, thankfully, is over.

See yinz in Denver. Be ready.

Imperial March: New England Patriots Season Preview


2011 Record: 13-3
AFC East Champions, Lost Super Bowl to New York Giants


2011 Ranks
Total Offense: 2
Rush Offense: 20
Pass Offense: 2
Scoring Offense: 3
Total Defense: 31
Run Defense: 17
Pass Defense: 31
Scoring Defense: 15

Offense

Tom Brady did it again last year, engineering a ruthlessly efficient offense that put up a ton of points then got to the playoffs and struggled to do much of anything. Gronk World Order emerged as one of the best tight ends in the league and the Patriots have gone to a two Tight End offense with Gronk and Aaron Hernandez seeing a lot of targets in the passing game. This is an offense without much of a deep threat, and the addition of Brandon Lloyd shouldn't change that much. Lloyd can get deep, but he relies more on speed than size down the field. The running game is non-existent and the offensive line is like a block of swiss cheese.

Defense

For a unit that was statistically pretty bad, especially against the pass, they made it to the Super Bowl (with some help from Lee Evans' hands and Billy Cundiff's foot). The Patriots lost their two sack leaders from last season, who accounted for half of the team's total sacks. They need first round picks Chandler Jones (DE-Syracuse) and Donta' Hightower (ILB-Alabama) to step up this season as both should be starters and contributors.

Intangibles

Any team with Tom Brady always has a chance.

Prediction

In a weak division, this flock of douchebags will run the table. 14-2.

Jetpocalypse: New York Tebows Season Preview



2011 Record: 8-8


2011 Ranks
Total Offense: 25
Rush Offense: 22
Pass Offense: 21
Scoring Offense: 13
Total Defense: 5
Run Defense: 13
Pass Defense: 5
Scoring Defense: 20

Offense

Mark Sanchez sucks.

Defense

This is a decent unit that lacks a consistent pass rusher. Aaron Maybin led the team with 6 sacks last season. Rex Ryan will bring corners and safeties on blitzes so this team will get pressure, but they don't have any one player that can do it consistently. They do have one of the better secondaries in the AFC with Revis, Cromartie, and free agent additions LaRon Landry and Yeremiah Bell.

Intangibles

Tim Tebow wins games and Mark Sanchez sucks. We'll call this a wash.

Prediction

There's nothing more fun than watching Mark Sanchez fail. He's actually regressed as a quarterback each year he's been in the league. Hopefully the next USC quarterback fares a little better. Blow for Barkley. 2-14.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Hardly Knocking: Miami Dolphins Season Preview



2011 Record: 6-10


2011 Ranks
Total Offense: 22
Rush Offense: 11
Pass Offense: 23
Scoring Offense: 20
Total Defense: 15
Run Defense: 3
Pass Defense: 25
Scoring Defense: 6

Offense

The Phins offense turned it on at the end of last year and a lot of people went deep into their Fantasy Football playoffs riding Reggie Bush in December. The Dolphins traded away troubled wide receiver Brandon Marshall to the Bears and brought in....um...no one to fill the void. They drafted Ryan Tannehill and he won the starting quarterback job in camp, but he really has no one to throw to and a questionable line in front of him. It's going to be a long year in Miami.

Defense

For a group that used to be one of the top units in the league, they have seen some decline. They still have some stellar players, particularly at linebacker in OLB Cameron Wake and ILB Karlos Dansby. The Fins just signed Wake to a big-time contract and are hoping he can continue to produce after recording 8.5 sacks last season. Their secondary is markedly weaker than it has been in the past with the departure of tackling machine Yeremiah Bell. The Dolphins are weak at the back and with Tom Brady in the division, that's not a good sign.

Intangibles

No receivers, a rookie quarterback, and some holes in the secondary. Yikes.

Prediction

They just drafted Tannehill, but they'll probably be squarely in the "Blow For Barkley" sweepstakes. 3-13

Super Mario World: Buffalo Bills Season Preview



2011 Record: 6-10


2011 Ranks
Total Offense: 14
Rush Offense: 13
Pass Offense: 15
Scoring Offense: 14
Total Defense: 26
Run Defense: 28
Pass Defense: 19
Scoring Defense: 30

Offense

The Bills started fast last season and gave quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick a big contract. That move backfired as the Bills offense sputtered down the stretch, partially due to the loss of RB Fred Jackson. The Bills still don't really have any receiving options outside of Stevie Johnson and Jackson (who does catch a lot of balls out of the backfield). Jackson is a really solid back as long as he can stay healthy and if he does, this team could be good enough to compete for a playoff spot.

Defense

The Bills made a ton of moves on defense, bringing in DEs Mario Williams and Mark Anderson in free agency and adding CB Stephon Gilmore in the first round of the draft. The Bills got blown out of the water in the second half of most of their preseason games which speaks to the disparity between the starters and the backups. If the Bills starters stay healthy, this could be one of the best units in the league. If there are injuries though, watch out, things could get ugly.

Intangibles

This is an up-and-coming team that has good players at all the right positions but not a lot of depth behind them. The amount of injuries this team suffers will be a key factor in their season.

Prediction

The AFC is weak this year and the AFC East is basically New England and everyone else. The door is open for the Bills to stack together some wins and make a run at a wild card spot. 9-7

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Steering Forward: Houston Texans Season Preview



2011 Record: 10-6
AFC South Champions, Lost to Baltimore in Divisional Round


2011 Ranks
Total Offense: 13
Rush Offense: 2
Pass Offense: 18
Scoring Offense: 10
Total Defense: 2
Run Defense: 4
Pass Defense: 3
Scoring Defense: 4

Offense

Two years ago, the Texans had one of the best offenses in the league. They have three outstanding players, two of which (Arian Foster and Andre Johnson) are among the best in the league at their position. That said, the strength of the Texans offense is their offensive line. These guys absolutely maul people and regardless of who is running the ball (Foster or Ben Tate) they are going to have room to plow. Injuries to their key players (Foster, Johnson, QB Matt Schaub, TE Owen Daniels) left the Texans offense without any playmakers for times at last season and they went into the playoffs with rookie TJ Yates under center. This year, with everyone healthy, they should be just as deadly as they were in the past.

Defense

The Texans cut ties with former number one overall pick Mario Williams, but their move to a 3-4 defense benefited Connor Barwin who is more of a natural 3-4 OLB. Barwin recorded 11.5 sacks last season and was aided by first round pick JJ Watt who ate up blockers along the line. Jonathan Joseph was a big addition to the secondary and Houston returns pretty much their whole starting defense from last season.

Intangibles

The Texans defense kept them in games last season and as long as their offensive skill players are healthy, this is a team that can move the ball against anyone. Avoiding injuries will be the biggest factor for this team as they really don't have any receivers behind Andre Johnson.

Prediction

The AFC South is still a relatively weak division and the Texans are the cream of the crop. 12-4.

CJ?K: Tennessee Titans Season Preview



2011 Record: 9-7


2011 Ranks
Total Offense: 17
Rush Offense: 31
Pass Offense: 12
Scoring Offense: 21
Total Defense: 18
Run Defense: 24
Pass Defense: 14
Scoring Defense: 8

Offense

The reigns have been handed over to Jake Locker, who got to sit and learn from veteran Matt Hasselbeck during his rookie season. Locker has a load of talent and the foot quickness to get himself out of trouble. Running back Chris Johnson looks to get back on track after a disappointing season last year where he barely broke 1000 yards and averaged only 4.0 yards per carry, the lowest of his career. On the outside, WR Kenny Britt is suspended one game for multiple offseason arrests, but Nasty Nate Washington had a surprisingly good year last year in Britt's absence, tallying 1000 yards and 7 touchdowns. The Titans also added Kendall Wright (WR-Baylor) in the first round of the draft.

Defense

This is almost an entirely different unit from the group that absolutely dominated the league back in 2008. They were next-to-last in the league last year in sacks, tallying only 28 on the season. They brought in DE Kamerion Wimbley in free agency to help improve their outside rush. They lost more than they gained on defense this year and this will be the liability of the Titans playoff hopes.

Intangibles

The Titans stacked up on offense and lost some key pieces from their defense in the offseason. They finished in a tie with Cincinnati for the last Wild Card spot last year and should be right in the thick of it once again, provided Jake Locker doesn't crap all over himself.

Prediction

During the Jeff Fisher era the Titans were never really known as a passing team. For the first time since their move from Houston, this might be a pass-first team with all the weapons they have on the outside. There are still some question marks here but in a relatively weak AFC, they should still be in the playoff hunt. 9-7.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Who Knows: Jacksonville Jaguars Season Preview



2011 Record: 5-11


2011 Ranks
Total Offense: 32
Rush Offense: 12
Pass Offense: 32
Scoring Offense: 28
Total Defense: 6
Run Defense: 9
Pass Defense: 8
Scoring Defense: 11

Offense

Despite Maurice Jones-Drew leading the league in rushing, the Jags had one of the worst offenses in the league last year, primarily due to the poor play of rookie QB Blaine Gabbert. It didn't help that Gabbert had basically no receivers to work with. The Jags set out to address that this year, bringing in Laurent Robinson in free agency and drafting Oklahoma State star Justin Blackmon. This still isn't a great offense, but Gabbert should be better with a full offseason under his belt and some NFL experience to bank on.

Defense

This was an over-looked unit, but the Jaguars actually had a pretty decent defense last year. The weakest point was still the pass rush where the Jags tallied only 31 sacks, ranking them 25th in the league. They have a surprisingly good core of linebackers and defensive backs, headlined by former Hopewell and Penn State star Paul Posluszny. The Jags added CB Aaron Ross from the Giants in free agency to bolster an already decent secondary.

Intangibles

Every year the Jags seem to out-perform expectations, but this year will be all about Blaine Gabbert's development in the passing game. With Robinson and Blackmon, they should be better than last season.

Prediction

If Gabbert can even be mediocre, their defense is good enough to keep them in games. They may pull a surprise or two like last year when they toppled Baltimore. 6-10

Good Luck: Indianapolis Colts Season Preview



2011 Record: 2-14


2011 Ranks
Total Offense: 30
Rush Offense: 26
Pass Offense: 27
Scoring Offense: 28
Total Defense: 25
Run Defense: 29
Pass Defense: 15
Scoring Defense: 28

Offense

The Colts parlayed their first Manning-less season since 1997 into the #1 overall pick to take Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck. Luck has been just as good as advertised in the preseason. The Colts also brought in long time Steelers fan favorite Bruce Arians to be their offensive coordinator. It remains to be seen how many times Luck will get sacked or if their red zone offense will be just as futile.

Defense

New head coach Chuck Pagano is slowly transitioning the Colts from a 4-3 to a 3-4 scheme. In Baltimore, Pagano ran a 3-4/4-3 hybrid scheme and it seems like the Colts will run something similar this year with Dwight Freeney and Robert Mathis switching between DE and OLB spots. The biggest liability is in the secondary, where the Colts have a bunch of no-name guys in the secondary. They made a trade to bring in Vontae Davis to give them someone that could maybe cover in the secondary, but on the whole this unit is a huge liability.

Intangibles

It's Andrew Luck's show now and this is clearly a rebuilding year for the Colts.

Prediction

No running game, no defense, Bruce Arians offense. Even if Andrew Luck has the best rookie season ever, the Colts will still struggle to win games because of their lack of defense. 5-11.